6 Funniest Christmas Gifts That’ll Ensure You Get Dumped

Tis’ the season for some bad gifts, and we’ve all been told it’s the thought that counts, but we have all gotten things that we looked at and said, why me? What is this thing?

What makes a gift funny is often the story that goes with it. Several years ago, a friend from college decided to give me monogrammed C mugs for Christmas. It was my first year being a Caruso. Sometimes I love a good prank and saw an opportunity to drive my perfectionist friend crazy. I called her up, thanked her for the mug set, and said, “don’t worry about the K; sometimes Caruso is spelled with a K.” My friend completely freaked out. “Whaaaaaat?” I got off the phone and laughed myself silly. I still laugh when I drink out of those mugs.

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“3dRose Letter C Monogram and design inpired by Love Handkerchiefs tradition in Portugal – Two Tone Red Mug, 15-ounce”

 

I found a picture of green microfiber slippers to get ideas for this article. The purpose of them is to clean while walking around the house. The Walmart website states, “Put these soft slippers on your bare feet and let them do the job.” They go on with the hard sell, letting you know about things they pick up, such as pet hair and dirt. They’re made out of chenille, giving them the feel of luxurious comfort. Who wouldn’t squeal with delight, unwrapping these bad boys? Later, I discovered that my friend Nancy had been gifted these same slippers, not once but twice. Is a gift like this a judgment about the cleanliness of your home, or is a concerned friend trying to get you to exercise?

Two different people gave a friend the walk while you clean slippers. Walmart

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Along with the lame, multi-tasking slipper idea, many husbands have thought they were doing their wives a favor by buying them a Roomba over the years. A Roomba is a robot vacuum with a sensor that moves around the room. Does it work as well as running a vacuum manually? Nope. Unless you’re cleaning gift is weekly housekeeping service, your wife wants jewelry.

Gift your wife a Roomba to prove that you really don’t like her.

Chris got quite the surprise in his Christmas stocking. Chris had been hinting at a watch, but instead, he was gifted a chubby chinchilla by his former girlfriend, who he immediately dumped for having the audacity to give him a gift that poops. Who gives someone a pet? Why a chinchilla? Was this a re-gift? Chris promptly took the critter outside and released it into the woods.

Chris, a man who hates anything alive, was gifted a pet chinchilla.

An anonymous Floridian says she received a plain brown box in the mail. No card. No explanation. Inside was a diary from some guy in upstate New York who had written about killing someone. The journal cuts off in mid-sentence. This was creepy, as can be. She promptly viewed this as a threat and called the police, only to discover that this was a “game” from some company called The Deadbolt Mystery Society. Nothing like the gift of impending doom for some jolly good holiday fun.

For the wife who has everything. Deadbolt Mystery Society.

Lastly, Caitlyn from Lake Worth Beach sent me a picture of a little succulent plant in a Santa pants pot. It’s adorable, but if anyone gives this to their significant other for Christmas, it would definitely be succulent for them.

Elf pants succulent plant

Drop us a comment if you’ve received something funny for the holidays.

Merry Christmas. Happy Hannukah. Above all, Merry Joltmas.


Other stories you may want to read:

Elf on a Shelf, Children’s Version of The Secret Police?

17 of the Most Fantastically Cutest Dogs in Florida

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