From zoning wars to a wild claim about “transgender monkey surgery,” local politics never fail to entertain. They call Palm Beach County paradise, but under the palm trees and past the pastel print brunches, the politics can be more tangled than a Worth Avenue parking lot, and this is pre-November, when they say the champagne socialists will move here in droves, escaping a possible Mayor Mamdani New York.
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Growth is the name of the game—mainly west of the turnpike—where residents fear their quiet cul-de-sacs will be overrun by “affordable housing” where homes of half a million dollars or more are considered affordable, and traffic jams that will rival I-95 at rush hour. County Commissioners smile for the cameras and publicly seem in unison, but behind closed doors, who knows? Some say it’s Palm Beach’s version of bipartisan harmony.
Meanwhile, Mike Caruso, the new Palm Beach Clerk of the Circuit Court and Comptroller, oversees his new office and keeps it on its toes by keeping the receipts, literally and figuratively. It’s a refreshing tone of accountability in a political landscape that often operates more like a reality show than a government. Caruso has added a much-needed dose of dashing good looks, wit, and charm, not to mention expertise (he is a CPA, after all), to this office.
(Note: Florida Jolt’s Editor at Large Tracy Caruso’s opinion is completely unbought and unbiased, but she is married to Clerk of the Circuit Court & Comptroller Mike Caruso and would not object to a new, shiny bauble.)
And then there’s another political soap opera, the Palm Beach County School Board. If you thought things would quiet down after 2022, bless your naivety. Tallahassee keeps sending down new standards, and local “education activists” are either ecstatic or apoplectic, depending on which news outlet you read. Angelique Contreras, an unapologetic parental rights advocate who ran for school board but didn’t make it, may enter the next election fray. She’s exclusively told Florida Jolt that “it’s definitely something I’ve been considering. In the meantime, I’m just praying and seeing how things unfold.” One thing is sure: Contreras would have been a school board member who might have said something when fellow member Edwin Ferguson, who unfairly and disgustingly compared Charlie Kirk to Hitler, piped up. Contreras is definitely no shrinking violet. As the kids say, she isn’t mindful and demure.
Do you know a politician can get an award and have his butt kissed for not actually getting something done? Delray Beach Commissioner Rob Long, the likely candidate for deceased State Representative Joe Casello’s seat, will be a political firebrand in Tallahassee, where he will get as much done for the LGBTQUIA+ community as he’s been doing at home, where he recently lost the fight to keep the pride crosswalk in place in Pineapple Grove. Despite losing this battle, Equality Florida gave him an award for “being an ally.” When you consider how much Democrats love getting something for nothing, it’s unsurprising that a progressive leftist organization would award one of its own a participation trophy. As the Golden Girls theme song says, thank you for being a friend.
Of course, Palm Beach politics wouldn’t be Palm Beach politics without a bit of theater. One local state representative recently accused the state of “quietly funding transgender surgery for animals,” a claim that left even the Capitol press corps rubbing their eyes in disbelief. The official response? A deadpan denial by the state, saying there’s been no monkeying around with taxpayer dollars. This gender surgery isn’t happening on children or animals in Florida, but it sounds like a great “Planet of the Apes” new movie plot line. Even by Florida standards, this one had people wondering if some of that yellow Delray Beach water, some claim is normal, has spread across the state—and if it’s being served at campaign fundraisers.
The local GOP continues to blur the line between political event and Palm Beach soirée. The new wave of conservative women’s clubs is stylish, sharp, and camera-ready. Downtown West Palm Beach has become the latest political catwalk, with state-level power brokers popping in for sushi meetings disguised as photo ops.
Whether it’s called West Palm Beach or Palm Beach West depends on which realtor you talk to, but all agree that Palm Beach and West Palm Beach are beginning to seem more like one place. Want proof of this love fest? Restaurant managers from Palm Beach’s La Goulou and West Palm Beach’s Harry’s recently tied the knot at the old courthouse in downtown West Palm—best wishes to the happy couple.
So next time you’re sipping a dirty martini at the rooftop bar at the Ben Hotel, thinking that county politics sound boring, think again. Beneath the sunshine and seaside smiles, Palm Beach’s power players are quietly scripting the next act in Florida’s political drama—one press conference, one zoning vote, and one viral video at a time.
Because in Palm Beach County, the only thing more expensive than the real estate… is crossing the wrong person.
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