Word is that former disgraced New York Governor Andrew Cuomo might become our newest neighbor after November — if he loses his quixotic bid for New York City mayor to socialist sweetheart Zohran “Commie” Mamdani. Sorry, Andy, you missed the county’s “No Kings” rally, where Lois Frankel, Tax Collector Anne Gannon, and a parade of self-proclaimed queens celebrated their imaginary rebellion.
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Meanwhile, Mark Wahlberg just spent $37 million on a “starter home” in Delray Beach—affordable housing, Palm Beach-style.
Welcome to paradise — where the celebrities are rich, the politicians are ridiculous, and the cats are named Ms. Biden and Ms. Bader.
No Kings, But Lots of Drama
Liberals across Palm Beach County held “No Kings” rallies to protest… well, no one’s entirely sure what. President Donald J. Trump is still in office, so perhaps they mistook him for royalty. Reports claim the rallies were packed, though eyewitnesses spotted mostly aging hippies clutching “No Nazis” signs on the medians.
Congresswoman Lois Frankel and Tax Collector Anne Gannon showed up to virtue-signal their hearts out. A local Delray resident summed it up perfectly:
“Anne Gannon went to a No Kings Day rally!!!! She’s so proud of herself! Did you know she has two cats named Ms. Biden and Ms. Bader?!!!! Nothing screams ‘rabid Dem’ like naming your cats after your idols!”
Senator Tina Polsky’s Felon Fixation
State Senator Tina Polsky (D–Boca Raton) is back with her annual entry in the Let’s Help the Criminals Sweepstakes. Her new bill, SB 132, would make it easier for felons to regain voting rights. It’s nearly identical to the one that flopped in 2025.
Republicans tend to focus on protecting law-abiding citizens. Democrats, conversely, can’t rest until every inmate has a ballot, a benefits package, and a hug from the state.
Overdose Deaths Down, Finally Some Good News
Credit where it’s due: Riviera Beach Chief of Police Michael Coleman reports overdose deaths have dropped 64 percent since 2022. In a county that is too often making headlines for the wrong reasons, this is the kind of progress worth celebrating: hats off, Chief.
Cuomo Threatens to Move South
Back to Cuomo. He’s threatening to move to Florida if he loses to Mamdani — a rent-controlled Marxist who calls for “globalizing the intifada,” rails against “white neighborhoods,” and boasts about eating rice with his hands. Hard to believe, but the polls say he’s ahead.
If Cuomo does relocate, Palm Beach County might be his obvious landing pad. Maybe he’ll slide right into a run for House District 87 in 2026. Sunshine, palm trees, and Andrew Cuomo? Lord help us.
Mark Wahlberg’s Funky Mansion
Hollywood star Mark Wahlberg has officially joined the Palm Beach elite, purchasing a stunning West Delray estate for $37 million — a markdown from the original $45M listing. Bargain alert! With that kind of square footage, there’s plenty of space for his entire Funky Bunch and probably a Wahlburgers pop-up in the backyard.
If we’re attracting new neighbors, can we request Italian Prime Minister Giorgia Meloni next? Palm Beach would never be the same — though we’d probably love every moment.
That’s life in Palm Beach County: where headlines read like satire, and satire reads like breaking news.
Other stories you may want to read:
- Mike Barnett Appointed to Palm Beach County Court by Gov. DeSantis - December 3, 2025
- Palm Beach County’s Bold Push to Lure New Yorkers South - November 19, 2025
- Palm Beach State College’s Emerald Torch Gala Was Lit - November 17, 2025