A few months ago, I started seeing previews for a new, seemingly idiotic film called Cocaine Bear. The title tells you what you need to know. It’s about a bear that ingests copious amounts of cocaine and goes on a wild, killing rampage.
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This movie about a hopped-up bear takes place in the 80s, complete with a totally tubular soundtrack, which includes the rather obvious “White Lines” and “I Just Can’t Get Enough.” I assumed this would be one of the most ridiculous movies ever. There was no way I would go this far into the gutter and spend an evening watching this dreck. Then I kept seeing the previews and became curious. After seeing the preview a whopping ten times and cackling over it, I was hooked.
It turns out that Cocaine Bear is the best thriller/comedy film of 2023, and there’s no doubt that it may have the best title of any movie ever. The best part, this film is based on a true story.
Cocaine Bear, directed and produced by comedic actor Elizabeth Banks is loosely based on the true story of the “Cocaine Bear,” a 175-pound American black bear that consumed millions of dollars of cocaine that had been lost in 1985. The cocaine had been dropped from an airplane piloted by a former narcotics officer and convicted drug smuggler.
The drug dealer’s plane was carrying too heavy a load. The man jumped out of the aircraft with a faulty parachute and died. The bear found the duffel bag of drugs, overdosed, and was found dead next to forty opened plastic containers of cocaine. The bear is displayed at the Kentucky Fun Mall in Lexington, Kentucky.
The creative geniuses behind this movie saw the potential of what a crazed, cocaine-sniffing killer bear could be like combined with an assortment of odd characters of cops, drug dealers, and teenagers, and they ran with it.
This movie has quotes that are so insane that you’ll snort with laughter.
What the f*ck is wrong with that bear?
That bear, it f*cking did cocaine. A bear did cocaine!
Did you hear him scream? He’s so dead.
Are they dead? One might be.
That seems like a thing that stays with a man forever. (A young kid talking about what he saw the bear do.)
The film stars and is dedicated to Ray Liotta, who died in May 2022. This was his last film. Other notables include former tv star Keri Russell who plays a badass mom who goes in search of her daughter whom the crazed bear has taken. It also stars O’shea Jackson Jr., Ice Cube’s doppelgänger son, Christian Convery, Alden Ehrenreich, Brooklynn Prince, Jessie Tyler Ferguson, Isiah Whitlock Jr., and character actor Margo Martindale, in her most hilarious role to date. There’s even a show-worthy and funny Maltese dog in this movie named Rosette, played by two pups named New York and Paris.
The fact that Cocaine Bear is even realty adjacent makes this a must-see movie that will become a cult classic. See it with your friends and roar with laughter.
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