New Year’s Resolutions-Will you do it?

As 2022 ends, many people will party like it’s 1999, and many will stay home with loved ones. New Year’s is a time of celebration where we say goodbye to the old year and ring in a new year, which means it’s time for a self-delusion called making New Year’s

A New Year’s resolution is a sadomasochistic tradition in which a person resolves to change undesirable behaviors and accomplish personal goals. The main idea is to try to be a better version of yourself. Many people dread this, and for a good reason. Most of us could benefit by not becoming a worse version of our current selves.

A YouGov poll conducted found that about one in five Americans say they have resolved to do each of the following twisted things in the new year:

Improve their physical health (20%), save more money (20%), exercise more (19%), or eat healthier (18%). Other people will focus on happiness (17%) or losing weight (17%).

I decided to take the scientific approach and have friends weigh in. Their entirely unrealistic goals consisted of crazy ideas such as not cursing. Please. I did mention that I asked friends. If they stop cursing, that’s the end of being able to talk. Some want to “save money.” When I suggested not spending money on things they’ve been lying to their husbands about, they realized this might not be a resolution they can keep. Meditation was a big and annoying surprise. Many people wanted to give themselves a self-imposed timeout for some unknown reason.

Meditation, a self-imposed timeout for masochists who enjoy being quiet.

Another was being less judgmental, a sick goal that I would never speak to the world.

If anything, these people should be resolving to be more judgmental. I know they can all do that. Another was giving yourself one compliment a day, like that guy used to do in the Saturday Night Live skit. “I’m good enough, smart enough, and dog-gone-it, people like me.”

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Positive affirmations for people who have no friends and enjoy talking to themselves.

Others laughed and said they were planning on spending more money and drinking more, which sounds about right, or they didn’t believe in New Year’s resolutions, a clear indication that they’ve failed any time they tried this.

Drinking more is a resolution most can accomplish.

Let’s face it. Most make unrealistic resolutions. They fail at accomplishing some colossal goal, and then they give up.

According to, a summary of the key findings:

•38,5% of US adults set New Year’s resolutions every year.

•23% quit in the first week, and only 36% make it past the first month.

•9% successfully keep their New Year’s resolutions.

This is good news. Most of you who quit aren’t alone. 91% won’t do it.

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If you’re serious about a resolution, do yourself a favor and pick something in your wheelhouse. My friend Ari Whiteman says his 2023 goal is to “piss people off like never before.” This is a perfect resolution for him. He’s excellent at annoying people. You can do it, Ari!

The key is to set realistic goals.

Keith Black’s goal, “drink better scotch.” Dan Liftman says, “spend more time volunteering on worthwhile projects.” There’s always a do-gooder in the group.

There’s always a do-gooder who resolves to volunteer, but will they do it? Nah.

At the end of the year, New Year’s resolutions are a great thing. Resolutions are goal-setting. Everyone wants to accomplish something. Everything I’ve experienced during the last half century says to make resolutions that resonate with your soul, and if you have found something you’re good at that makes you happy, resolve to do more.

Happy New Year, Jolt Readers. May 2023 be your best year yet.

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