Lies Husbands Tell Their Wives

Wives lie to their husbands about their shopping habits, but husbands lie to their wives too. The things I found out doing research for this one are unbelievable. You men are shameless.

“I only ate one cookie.” Husbands, why do you bother with this one? If we’re not eating them, someone is. You ate six cookies. Stop blaming it on the housekeeper.

We know you ate six cookies. Stop blaming it on the housekeeper.

“I don’t snore.” Yeah, you do. You always snore. I don’t know how these wives get any sleep. One woman told me her husband doesn’t understand why he keeps waking up feeling sore on one side of his body. The wife told me it’s because she nudges him when he’s sleeping, so he’ll shift positions and stop the snoring he says he never does. Sometimes he wakes up during snoring and denies that he was asleep.

Yes, you do snore.


In the same vein as snoring, “I’m not sleeping.” Your eyes were closed. Your mouth was open. You were snoring. You were sleeping. We have no idea why you would even attempt to deny doing such a regular thing.

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“You don’t look fat.” Now, this one, we all understand. We all get that you men don’t want to die or be victims of your wife’s spending spree, which she’ll lie about.

Flaunt it, wives. Your husband will never tell you that you look fat.

“There are only two minutes left of the game.” I’ve fallen for this one, and it’s the worst. Don’t be fooled by the clock; for some reason, two minutes usually means about twenty minutes. I have been stuck many times just staring at that clock and then cheering when it starts to do the fast countdown to the end. All I can say is there are no two minutes left of any game.

Wives Lie to Husbands About Shopping

There’s no such thing as 2 minutes left of the game. Lies.

“I don’t need directions.” Husbands, why are you driving around in the same circle three times if you don’t need directions? Either it would help if you had directions or you were stroking out. Make up your mind about what’s worse for your wife to think.

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“I’ll be home on time for dinner.” Husbands, don’t do this to your wives. It’s upsetting to coordinate dinner and have it just sit there, getting cold, while seething because your husband isn’t home when he says he’s going to. My outrage over this one is a little unreal, given that this has happened to me only once. Still, I think it’s essential for me to express an appropriate outrage for all the wives that regularly deal with this issue. Given the messages I’ve gotten, there are a lot of you.

You know you’re doomed when you get home.

“I feel fine.” All husbands say they feel fine, and they also say they’ll go to the doctor, but they don’t. The weird thing is that when they admit to being sick, they enter this infantilized state where they need to have everything done for them and complain like crazy.

Husband acting like a baby because he has the sniffles.

Husbands, we love you, but we’re on to you.

Wives, it’s your turn for some Jolt therapy. Drop us a comment and tell us what your husbands lie about.

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