Cold Case File: Is Ex-NYC Mayor DeBlasio a Groundhog Killer?
Floridians aren’t particularly concerned with snow, but we do care about murder, and it’s time to expose the ugly truth. Groundhogs are dying. The groundhog expects to receive a few cheers of delight but not a death sentence.
January 2nd is the annual Groundhog Day tradition. It is typical for mayors to attend these ceremonies, but now, they seem to be shying away from them. Each year at various ceremonies, a groundhog comes out of its little cottage, and if it sees its shadow, legend has it that there will be six more weeks of winter. If it doesn’t, we will have an early spring.
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Today, America’s most popular groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil, saw his shadow, which means six more weeks of winter. With an unbelievable thirty-nine percent accuracy rate, there’s no reason to question this extraordinary groundhog wisdom. Our weather is always great for those in Florida, so it’s not like we care.
According to a 2014 article in The Guardian, a female groundhog named Charlotte, one of the four Staten Island groundhogs who play Chuck, mysteriously died of “internal injuries,” coincidentally after what was described as a “completely bungled ceremony.” They go on to say;
“Her shadow was the last thing she saw.”
There was an “accident” which appears to have been caused by former New York Mayor Bill DeBlasio. To be blunt, the dastardly DeBlasio dropped the poor animal. She fell almost six feet but was supposedly “fine.” A week later, she died.
This wasn’t the first groundhog mishap due to a mayor’s incompetent manhandling. In 2009, then New York Mayor Bloomberg tried to coax the corpulent Chuck out of his little cottage. The portly pet didn’t enjoy being taunted and ended up biting Bloomberg. After that, safety precautions were put in place.
Fast forward a few years. DeBlasio drops a groundhog, and it falls a whopping six feet. A few days later, she dies, but no one blames the mayor for this mishap. No one will confirm that Charlotte’s internal injury death was due to her fall.
They can say what they want, but it’s evident that this grisly groundhog death resulted from DeBlasio’s carelessness. Another strange fact, one of the Staten Island Chucks “coincidentally” died shortly after the Bloomberg bite. Does Punxsutawney Phil have to die next before anyone wakes up? This madness has to stop.
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Now no one is allowed to handle the cuddly creatures. This year, Mayor Adams, New York’s current mayor, didn’t even show up for the Groundhog Day ceremony.
It’s time to seek justice for Charlotte. A symbol of hope for a longer Spring, whose life ended in her prime.
We can’t allow a few bad actors to ruin a lovely tradition, but we can’t just stand by and let these fortune-telling fluff balls die. It’s time to tell Charlotte’s story and let her legend live on.
To celebrate and acknowledge Groundhog Day, feel free to read this article over and over and over…
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