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AP Recommends ‘Veggie Burgers’ for Memorial Day, Mocked by Red-Meat Eating Americans

By Dominick Buehler 0 Copy Link Print
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Memorial Day is an important day for millions of Americans. On this day, we honor those who fought and died for the nation, gather with friends and loved ones, and relish in a cookout, complete with delicious, classic American barbeque.

The Associated Press, however, felt that the biggest meat-eating country on Earth needed a new addition to their grills: veggie burgers made of quinoa and beans.

Of course, red-blooded Americans didn’t take too kindly to the recommendation. Hundreds flocked to the post within hours, ruthlessly mocking it and even sharing a few of their own Memorial Day recipes.

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“Thank you for thinking of the trash can, it needs to eat too.” ~@JonathanSnyder on Twitter

Some of the responses were a bit harsher – but hilarious nonetheless.

Some commenters thought the veggie burger didn’t go far enough. To supplement the AP-recommended quinoa and bean burger, users suggested washing it down with a Bud Light before going swimming in a “Target tuck” bathing suit.

“Processed vegetable oils, salt, ‘texturizers,’ ‘flavor enhancers’ and all from some factory processing plant. YUMMY!!!” ~@uncompahgre3075

“Fake meat, fake news organization. Seems about right.” ~@erjohnjordan on Twitter

The Associated Press didn’t notice the disconnect between itself and the average meat-eating American – but the latter surely did.

“How about you worry about what you want to you eat, and I’ll worry about what I’m eating?” ~@EdgeCrusher14 on Twitter

“Not me, I’m not touching that garbage. Ground round burgers and bratwurst for me!” ~@TS5899 on Twitter

With Americans eating 270 pounds of meat per year (as of 2017), the Memorial Day barbeque is a staple of American life that cannot be trifled with.

Previous attempts have been made through the massive fake meat producer “Beyond Meat.” Despite several billion-dollar deals with America’s top fast-food chains

and retail giants, the company is nearing bankruptcy as American consumers refuse to eat the brand’s soy-based “beef.”

The everyday American’s love of meat is something the leftist coastal elite doesn’t understand, as evidenced by countless failed advertising and investment attempts. They had such confidence in “Beyond Meat” that they, through sheer investment alone, shocked the stock price to nearly 250 dollars.

With Americans refusing to put it on their memorial day grill (or anywhere other than a garbage can), Beyond Meat now sits stagnant at 10 dollars per share.

Despite the failure of most fake meat businesses, outlets like the Associated Press and Bloomberg News have continued to push a variety of off-putting meat alternatives on American consumers, ranging from insect-based snacks to soy burgers.

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“Gross. Good for them though. The rest of us WILL NEVER GIVE UP MEAT. If they try to force it AND STARVE US, they’ll regret it.” ~@LauraMarciano8 on  Twitter

Despite relentless media pressure and feigned environmental alarmism, the American cookout tradition – with real meat – has remained strong.

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